I don’t mean to insult anybody, but I am compelled to tell the truth.
There is an unwritten custom that is followed even more religiously than just about any other, except by the truly devoted orthodox. When most Jewish people sense that someone is about to lead the Birchat Hamazon (Grace After Meals), also known as bentsching, all of a sudden they have to get home quickly to walk their (imaginary) pet, they have an extremely important meeting, or something requires their immediate attention and they have to leave. The big clue that this might happen is that pile of booklets in the center of the table in place of a decorative centerpiece. I must admit I am one of those and, frankly, I regret it.
The Torah clearly states in Deuteronomy 8:10: “When you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land which he gave you.” The prayers include thanks for food, Israel, Jerusalem, and God’s goodness. During this time, we sit, we sing, we celebrate, we have a good time.
The origin is attributed to Moses when manna fell from the sky; the prayer was completed in 166 CE.
Can you imagine, in one sitting, asking God to shelter and sustain us, grant relief from our troubles, not need charity, never experience shame or humiliation, bless our family, eliminate persecution, and bring peace to Israel? Can you imagine praying for these in less than 10 minutes (if not that long)?
As a husband, without pressure or being told to, I always thank my wife for preparing food (even three times a day), because I appreciate the love and care that goes into each meal. I don’t eat and run! I say thanks to people who have done something for me, even though it might not be special (my parents taught me that), and I think we all say thanks when we get a gift.
Let’s all take a moment to think about the fact that, if we had no food, shelter, money, etc., we would be asking for someone’s help and then thanking them.
Let’s table the custom of leaving before bentsching and remain seated until the true end of the meal!
Andy Greenberg is a 25-year Conservative Jewish educator of grades 3-12 and a lecturer for adults of all ages.
